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Archive for April, 2008

faith questions

When serving in a ministry becomes burdensome, does it mean that it’s not the right one?

Whatever we do, we need to have a purpose in doing it – it’s human nature. There must be a force or motivation that drives you to do what you’re doing – it could be a passion/ interest for that field, to fulfill the wishes of someone dear to you, out of obligation, or even a craving for money/ fame. My driving factor to go to work everdyday is not so much the nature of the job, but the friends made & the working environment (i suppose). A lot of times, it’s the people/ friends/ environment that drives me, as in the case of staying on in sngs (sec) & njc (after 1st 3 mths).

I was just so listless, distracted & full of conflicting doubts during RCIA session. Yes, today i’m particularly tired. But i know it’s not just cos of today, it’s accumulated. There’s no role for me to play; i’m not indispensable; who am i going for? (yes, ideally speaking, it should be God, but c’mon, most people are there for a close friend/ spouse/ bf or gf – that IS their motivating factor.) I mean, the people there are like a completely diff wavelength from me – middle-aged career people & me, a student? like HUH? nothing much to talk abt! Not to mention how unprepared i am, my faith is not strong, and i couldn’t even AGREE with what was taught today! And now we are only on the basic tenets! Really…what’s the point…

why should i stay on? the only answer is obligation. but i didn’t take any oath or pledge nor is there a black-and-white statement that i’ve signed. So am i still obliged to stay on unhappily for the next 7-8mths?  Sounds like real torture.

When serving in a ministry becomes burdensome, it must mean it is NOT the right one.

 

 

Being a straightforward person, i don’t like things to be said in a round-about manner. Hate to have to discern this & that. (And simply dislike when some people speak in coded language & i’ve to keep asking & digging further to get the meaning out in simple layman english.) In other words, I HATE guessing games. or things that require risk-taking. Simply because most of the time, they end up in a mess. Just like this ministry thing. Can’t He tell me plainly and simply abt what min i’ve to join? to spare me & those around me (affects a few other individuals too) all the trouble.

 

And all the LOST SLEEP.

 

Sigh…

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a diff friday

Life is full of ups and downs. Today started off on a sour note, second caller scolded me for no reason 😦  ‘cos he hasn’t received his form and we can’t send out anymore,  so there was nothing i could do for him. Then i was a bit too talkative during work when there were like so so many calls waiting, so someone not too happy with me… >.< this one i do feel guilty abt it, nxt week when the poly attachment students leave, i shall work doubly hard to compensate for my slacking…must be more hardworking. And i better stop asking so many qns..=x i can and i must do better than this.

I really, really, seriously have to find the time to brush up on my Mandrin, this can’t go on. I feel verbally handicapped – definitely will do sth abt it. Soon.

Thank God, today ended on a nice note 🙂 i was so relieved! but the process is still incomplete 😉 Haha, God ALWAYS hears prayers & cares for His people 🙂 but i still find it difficult to say it 100% whole-heartedly. whoops >.<

Keep getting cravings for nihon mura!! if only it wasn’t so ex! had to miss a friend’s birthday celebration cos not enough $$. Sick this week, but i find i’ve more time alone which i enjoy.How i wish i could stretch the free time by so much more…

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worried & anxious

First time that I didn’t go for RCIA meeting. Attendance no more perfect, not that it matters actually. Oh well, down with stupid flu again – second time that i’m falling sick this year!

I really hope for this week to be over and for my flu to be gone! Rahh…some flu bug spreading in teh office. tmr & fri will be over soon – hope the week will definitely end well. Oh my, this is making me all nervous. I shall lower my expectations so as to avoid disappointment and keep myself calm & cool 🙂 of course, have to pray too 🙂 Nothing matters, only to walk in His Will. I just see where he leads me too haha…

The rest of April will be just more waiting, all the way till early May for university acceptance & offers. And next week will be full of Goodbyes… so sad….everyone’s leaving so soon…my lunch group will be so shrunken…Outlook for April doesn’t seem too good >.< 19 & 20 April will also sort of confirm my decision about whether to stay on. And 30 Apr – BTT. Also, awaiting a reply from A.H. which hasn’t replied to any of our application forms. I doubt it’ll reply anyway.

Choices, choices.

And more waiting.

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